What are you hiding from?

We spend a lot of our lives hiding from things. Whether it's the unknown, the unfamiliar, or the uncomfortable, we give a lot of our time and energy to mapping out our exit strategy from dealing with our fears.

It could be an exciting job opportunity that is presented to you. It could be the potential of a new relationship. It could be a career change. Or it could be a loss of some kind. Whatever it is, we don't want to deal with it, and we run for our lives. 

When it all comes down to it, the only things we're really hiding from are our feelings. And they're just feelings after all, right? They won't hurt you or kill you. They only have power if YOU choose to give power to them. 

And the feelings we have simply come from the thoughts we think. So if you want to feel something different, start thinking differently. It's as simple as that. Challenge your thoughts. Question your assumptions. Uncover what's really happening (versus what you're telling yourself is happening).

Here's the reason running away from your feelings doesn't work:

1. We often escape by adopting unhealthy behavior/habits, i.e. over-eating, drinking too much, over-medicating, doing drugs, entering into and staying in unhealthy relationships. 

2. The feelings don't go away. They're still there, alive and well, still eagerly waiting to be acknowledged.

When we're growing up and think that monsters are under our beds, it isn't until we actually LOOK under the bed and realize that there is nothing there, that we can move forward. The same goes when it comes to our feelings. They only disappear once we give them a good look - acknowledge them, recognize them and listen to what they're trying to tell us. 

Because, as much as you and I would love for them to just magically disappear, I promise you that they won't. They will simply get louder and more irritating. And as much as you may try to quiet them by hiding behind food, people, alcohol, or all of the above, you won't succeed. 

And going back to one of my first points, they're *just* feelings. And we are not our feelings, nor are we our thoughts. So instead of judging them and resisting them, simply choose to look at them and see what they have to say. It's only when we start running away from them, that we start to harm ourselves. 

 

 

This week's Quarter Life Clarity assignment  

Grab a journal and give yourself fifteen minutes and on the top of the page write, "How am I feeling?" Then start to write. Don't judge. Don't censor. Just release whatever it is that you're holding onto. Let it go. 

My 30-day detox: How Quarter Life Clarity was born

It was February 2011. Embarkability was turning 1 in April, and I wasn't quite sure what the next steps were. I knew there was something that didn't feel right, there was something MORE that I wanted to be doing, another way I wanted to contribute. 

As we all know, not only do those whispers stay around until we listen to them, they also only get progressively louder and LOUDER. And avoiding those whispers was getting exhausting at this point. 

So I decided to do something about it. I decided to stop and reevaluate. 

I knew that whatever I had been doing wasn't working in terms of seeking clarity, so I made some pretty big changes. 

In the middle of February, I began my 30-day journey inwards; I lovingly called it my Inner Clarity Retreat. 

This retreat included the following:

Near daily yoga, meditation, reading, and journaling 

No TV

No dating

No alcohol

No hanging out endlessly on Facebook

No speaking poorly of myself

No speaking poorly of other people

Essentially, I eliminated all of the things from my life that would normally distract me from me. It may seem somewhat extreme, and it was.

But, it totally worked. Within the first 5 days, Quarter Life Clarity was born.  

I realized that I wanted to help young women find clarity, purpose, and direction in their personal and professional lives. It was only by creating an environment where I gave my whispers the opportunity to speak (while agreeing to listen) that I could discover my core truths, and clarify how I really wanted to contribute to the world at large. 

The journey was totally intense, but SO worth it. Here is a snippet of the many lessons I learned throughout it all:

1. Clarity is power. We can only achieve our goals once we're super clear on what it is we actually want to achieve. The clearer you are, the more easily you can get from A to B. Here's why: if you don't know exactly where you're going, you won't know once you get there. 

2. It's all about feelings. We don't want things for the things themselves; we want them because of how we anticipate they'll make us FEEL. Whether you want to lose 10 pounds, budget more carefully, or find your ideal partner, it's not the goals themselves that we're after. It's the feelings that we expect to feel as a result of attaining them. 

3. Faith is the answer to fear. I used to think that control was the answer to fear. The more control you have, the less fearful you'll be. But, I'm learning that control is really just an illusion. Interestingly, faith is all about releasing control and believing that everything is and will be okay. 

4. There can be discomfort in growth (that's why they're called growing PAINS). Just like it can hurt when you're working a muscle in order for it to get stronger, it can also feel uncomfortable when you're stretching yourself beyond your comfort zone. And that's OKAY. Expect the discomfort; it won't be as scary then when it shows up.

5. Who we want to be is already within us. Your ideal self already exists within you. Don't move, don't talk - just sit and listen, and it will slowly reveal itself. 

6. Questions are really quest-ions. Think about it. Quest is another word for journey and ions are energy particles. Questions are really energy particles of a journey. Maybe the purpose of a question isn't to find the answer, but to provide momentum for the journey itself. 

7. Stop waiting. Enough with the "someday, one day" hoopla. The only thing that exists is this very moment; be happy NOW, celebrate NOW, love yourself NOW. 

This week's Quarter Life Clarity assignment  

Consider giving yourself your own Inner Clarity Retreat. Whether it's for 30 days, 2 weeks, or a few hours, giving yourself the space and time to sit back and let your whispers speak up can be hugely transformational. As I always say, we're like bank accounts; you can only withdraw once you deposit. Consider this an opportunity to deposit, and learn more about yourself, so that you can show yourself - and others - more love in return. 

The answers are closer than you think

Clear your head to find the answers

We all want answers. Whether it's when we're going to meet the love of our lives, or how we're ever going to figure out what we really want to be when we grow up, answers are in high demand these days.  And yet, all many of us seem to be finding are questions - and then some more questions.  Who am I? What do I want? How can I get it? When will I get it? Will I ever get it? Those five questions alone are enough to make anyone dizzy.  I'm not saying that there isn't something to be said for "living with the questions" and waiting patiently for the answers. Nor am I suggesting that life is all about finding the answers immediately.  BUT. There are a bunch of answers right at your arm's length right now (yes at this very moment) that you can access should you like to. And a lot of the time, we get so used to living in the land of "I don't know" - "I don't know whether I want to stay with my boyfriend or girlfriend," "I don't know whether to leave my job or not," "I don't know what kind of business I would start."  Here's the thing. I'm going to get very real with you for a minute here (I hope that's okay). You DO know. Or at least you know a lot more than you're giving yourself credit for. So then why oh why do we feel stuck in our own confusion? There are 2 possibilities.  1. You're not giving yourself the time or space to listen to the answers. 2. You're not ready to hear what the answers are. See, when we hear the answer we're looking for, and we take ownership over it, we're driven to take action. It's very hard to know with full certainty that you're in a relationship that's not working for you, and still stay put. Therefore, to delay or avoid taking action, we choose the safest response for the time being, which ends up being: "I don't know." Because as frustrating as not knowing may be, it's probably far less scary than the idea of breaking up (or changing your career path, or moving to a new city).  So what's the moral of the story? First, decide if you're really ready to listen to what your core truths are saying. Are you ready to hear what they have to say, and as a result, take action that might not feel the most comfortable to take? Are you ready to step outside of your comfort zone and choose authenticity over playing it safe? Growth doesn't come from staying put; it comes from stretching yourself, from challenging your limits. To find these seemingly elusive answers is simple: get quiet. Remarkably simple, and yet not necessarily so remarkably easy. Whether you close your eyes and let your mind drift, take a yoga class, or sit with your journal and a pen is up to you.  There's no magic potion beyond that. The answers to all of your questions live inside of you. Some are easier to access than others, but they're all there, waiting to be heard. It's up to you as to how fast that happens.      This week's Quarter Life Clarity assignment   Decide whether or not you're ready to uncover the answers that live within you.If you're not, that's totally okay! Just take ownership of that, and recognize that it's not that "you don't know" - it's that you don't want to know - and that's a significant difference. If you are, fantastic! Give yourself at least 15 minutes a day to get quiet and then repeat your question to yourself or in your journal, and let it sit. The answer will soon appear. Listen closely.