Dance like no one's watching

It's all about you (yes, REALLY!)

You know when you're annoyed with someone? Or when you're convinced something is THEIR fault? Or when they always seem to say the wrong thing? Well, I have some news for you. It has NOTHING to do with them, and EVERYTHING to do with you. I want you to read that 3 more times, and really get it before we move on. Once you get this, your life will change dramatically.  Everyone is really just a mirror for us. The relationships we have with our friends, colleagues, family, and significant other are simply opportunities for us to learn more about ourselves. When you react to something, it doesn't have to do with the other person. It has to do with your own stuff - whether it reminds you of how you used to be, or how someone used to treat you, or a quality of one of your parents that you can't stand, our reactions have nothing to do with what the other person is doing, and everything to do with us.  But here's the thing. It's a lot easier to just point the finger at them and declare that it's THEIR problem. If only they were different, if only they responded in some other way, if only, if only, if only... Interesting enough, you would have the same reaction to what was done regardless of who did it. And your reaction is yours, and yours alone. This is why some people can tolerate certain things in relationships, while others can't. This is why certain people annoy you for some reason, but they don't annoy your friends, even though they act the exact same way to them.  This wake-up call may seem a tad abrasive and overwhelming, but it's actually very exciting. When you realize and really get that it's all about you, you can stop waiting for someone else to make you feel better, and instead, reclaim your own personal power.  Here's the good news and the bad news: No one can really make you feel better in a real way and for the long term except for you. And you know what? It's not their responsibility either. It's taken me quite a while (read: 29 years) to get this. I've been in plenty of relationships where I not only wanted people to make me feel better, but I EXPECTED it. And surprise, surprise, none of those relationships have lasted. Instead, I've spent the past few years working on me, and really strengthening my ability to give me what I had been seeking out from other people for far too long.  The more we commit to being responsible for our own happiness, the less we will expect of people, the more we will appreciate them, and the healthier our relationships will be in general.  Doing this, however, takes work, and isn't as easy as assigning the responsibility to someone else. It requires you to look within, really get to know yourself, forgive yourself, love yourself - flaws and all, and become personally accountable for your life. Now the cool thing about this is that it's SO rewarding and beyond freeing. How cool to not have to depend on anyone else to make you feel happy. I mean, if that isn't empowering, I don't know what is. So, what will it be? Are you ready to reclaim your personal power and give yourself everything that,  up until this point, you've been waiting (and ultimately, expecting) to get from someone else, or will you continue pointing the finger at everyone except the person who is really responsible? If you liked this article, and want to receive more articles like this sent directly to your inbox every Thursday, you can sign up here:  Yes, I love this stuff!   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Remember, you can do this!  I'm here to help you make 2011 the year you become a superstar. Having ongoing support and accountability is essential if you want to achieve your goals quickly and easily.       We offer a range of programs to accommodate your goals and budget, so that you can receive our help no matter what. Call us at 917-572-8871 so that you can get started today!

There is not can't, won't, or impossible...

Smart things people said

"Act the part and you will become the part." - William James

The perfect career - and how to find it

Dance like no one's watching

Stop telling yourself you need it

How many times have you used the word NEED? I need money I need a new job I need to be in a relationship I need to know what's going on I need to feel better now In all likelihood, it probably doesn't make you feel so great. Telling yourself you need something puts you in a mindset of desperation, frustration, and urgency. And how's that working for you?  To say that you "need" something implies that something in your life is lacking. It's choosing to see the world through the lens of scarcity, which doesn't serve you on any level.  So you might be wondering - what's a better alternative? What word can you use instead of "need" to help you shift your perspective? The word to use instead is INTEND. Intend is the new need. When you use the word intend, you completely shift your perspective. No longer are you in a position where your happiness is determined by whether you do or do not have something. When you need something, you lose your power. Saying you need something gives your circumstances the power. Your okay-ness is contingent upon something else that you don't currently have. And as a result, there is a sense of urgency and even fear that propels you forward. Replacing the word "need" with "intend" brings the power back to you. Intend implies that you are back in the driver's seat; you are no longer propelled by fear and urgency, rather by your own personal power.  And what a difference that makes! Suddenly, you feel like attaining what you desire is possible and within your reach. This shifts the energy you bring to your life, and to the actions you take.  I need money becomes I intend to attract money into my life I need a new job becomes I intend to find a new job that I love I need to be in a relationship becomes I intend to meet a fantastic partner I need to know what's going on becomes I intend to find some answers I need to feel better now becomes I intend to find ways to make myself feel better Saying it this way - reframing it - makes you feel better. And feelings are what attract your circumstances. While the definition of "need" is "to be in want", "intend" means "to direct the mind on" or "to have in mind as a purpose or goal." Which would you prefer to use? The choice is yours. Choose wisely.  If you liked this article, and want to receive weekly articles like this in your inbox every Thursday, you can sign up here: Yes! I love this stuff.

What you tell yourself about yourself determines everything

Smart things people said

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly." - Unknown

How well are you taking care of you?

How can I help you? Let me know: http://bit.ly/mP2xe7

Dance like no one's watching

You don't need a bathroom pass

A lot of us are waiting for something or someone in order to get to where we want to go. Whether we feel like we need a parent's approval, a significant other's validation, or a sign of some sort, a lot of people are holding to the notion of a bathroom pass. Enough with the waiting! Enough with thinking that your need people's permission or go-ahead to live your life full out. Sure, would it be nicer if you had approval, validation, or some indication that what you're doing is the "right" thing for you? Yes, you might feel like taking the leap - whether towards a promotion or a new relationship - would be easier with extra cushion of reassurance. But, here's the thing. Life doesn't work that way. Life isn't about seeking the approval of others. Do you know how many people have succeededbecause they chose the path that their family and peers didn't support? Unconditional love is just that. It is love without conditions. The people who really and truly love you unconditionally will love you regardless of the path you take. They may not be the biggest fans, but when it all comes down to it, who gets to win - you or them? Would you rather live a life in accordance with THEIR dreams and hopes for you, and feel unfulfilled and inauthentic as a result, or live a life that speaks to YOU and what your heart really wants?    When we were in fifth grade, and didn't raise our hand to ask for the bathroom pass, or we would get up and start to leave without the pass, the teacher would stop us. And we would listen. Because we were 10 years old. We've graduated from junior high since then, and with that, comes our graduation from these ridiculous rules. When you get up to go somewhere, and someone says, stop, keep going. When you want to go do something, but feel like it's not your turn, get over it, and keep going. Whatever you do, keep going. Your dreams depend on it.  There is no bathroom pass that's granted to you by others. Your fifth grade teacher is no longer calling the shots. Nor are your parents or friends or significant other. You, Jordana, are responsible for seeing your dreams through to reality. Whether or not people approve and high-five you along the way is really irrelevant. It's not other people's responsibilities to validate you and give you permission to live the life of your dreams. It's on you.  So do yourself a favor and grant yourself a lifelong bathroom pass to do whatever it is that feels right to you. The next time you're seeking someone's approval, look within, and give it to yourself. The bathroom pass is no longer hanging on a hook by the door; it's in your hand. Once you really get that, life will become much easier, freeing, and fun.  If you liked this article, and want to receive weekly articles like this in your inbox every Thursday, you can sign up here: Yes! I love this stuff.

Need help getting out of bed in the morning?

Smart things people said

"The beginning is always today."  - Mary Wollstonecraft

What do YOU want?

Introducing QLC's weekly video series, where you tell me what's not working for you, and I share my input and advice to help you move forward. It's 100% anonymous and 100% my gift to you. So, what are you waiting for? :) http://bit.ly/mP2xe7

Would you rather feel disappointed or uncomfortable?

There have been a bunch of things that I've wanted for a while now, both personally and professionally. While I've definitely accomplished some of my goals, I find that there are several goals that remain to be reached. 

So I started to think about why I haven't yet achieved them. Why if I wanted something so badly have I not achieved it yet? And I discovered something very interesting after a considerable amount of time journaling and thinking through it all.

When you have goal and you know that it's something you definitely want, but you're finding that it continues to remain unreached, it's usually because of one reason.

You're avoiding feeling uncomfortable. Now when I say "uncomfortable" I'm not only referring to the kind of discomfort you feel when you're cramped in the middle seat on an airplane. 

Discomfort can show up in the form of physical pain, emotional distress, panic, social awkwardness, loneliness, sadness, anger. Essentially, anything that you don't want to be feeling.

I think many of us (myself included) would like to be able to get what we want in an easy breezy kinda way. While I don't believe that the "no pain, no gain" mantra applies to every situation, I think it can definitely apply to most. 

Let's talk about the word "pain" for a second though. Things are what we call them after all. It's all a matter of perspective. A computer crashing can be called a catastrophe or an opportunity to buy the new computer you've been eyeing for a while now. Life doesn't really operate in absolutes. As you choose which words to use to describe a situation, your reality is born. There is no set objective reality. It's all a matter of how we choose to perceive and understand what happens to us.

You say something is scary? It becomes scary. You say something is uncomfortable, it becomes uncomfortable. And then the likelihood of you doing it consistently lessens, because who wants to repeatedly move towards uncomfortable situations?

I don't know about you, but when I don't accomplish my goals, I'm disappointed, especially if I feel like I could have done more to see them through to reality. And the reason I didn't take more action is because I was avoiding feeling uncomfortable. I've missed yoga classes at 7am not because I don't want to go, but because staying in bed feels more comfortable. 

So would you rather feel uncomfortable or disappointed? Because when you make decisions that are you related to your goals, you'll probably feel one or the other. If we can shift our experience and understanding of "discomfort" maybe we can choose feeling uncomfortable more often. 

The way I see it is that it's all growing pains, which means that these feelings are part of the growing process. When we begin using new muscles, it hurts in the beginning. When we do something that we've never done before, it can feel scary. But will you left your temporary discomfort compromise your long-term growth? Don't deny yourself of getting what you want because of fear, discomfort or pain. Because while those feelings with subside, feeling disappointed about your goals that remain unreached will stay with you indefinitely. 

What to do while you wait for it

Your first question might be, well, what do you mean when you say wait for "it" - what's IT? 

It can be anything - a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a phone call, an interview, a solution, an idea. Think of what you feel like you're waiting for right now, and that is what is "it" for you today. 

So what to do while you wait? 

1. Ask yourself, is there anything I can realistically do to speed up this process? Sometimes, the answer may very well be, yes. After all, life isn't all about having things happen to us; rather it's about us making things happen. Getting results usually involves taking some sort of action. So maybe you will be able to shorten the waiting process. Maybe getting the things you want is a matter of you actually doing more. So before you do anything else, ask yourself this and then give yourself a thoughtful and honest answer.

2. See the waiting as an opportunity. Okay, so assuming that all action relating to getting what you want has already been taken, let's shift our perspective on your waiting time. Because if you can't do anything about it, you might as well change your attitude. 

I truly believe that not only does everything happen for a reason, but that the best things in my life happen right after moments of feeling overwhelmed, uncomfortable and/or confused. So for me, personally, the "worse" the situation, the more that I know deep down that something awesome will show up as a result. I think part of that, however, involves, inviting that positive aftereffect as a possibility in your life. 

So instead of being pissed about having to wait, see it as an opportunity for something good to come from it. Maybe, if you're sitting in traffic, it's an opportunity to return phone calls that have been on your to-do list for far too long. If you're waiting on line, that the person standing near you could end up being a significant person in your life. And if you're waiting for that special someone, maybe there is more for you to learn about yourself before you invite someone else into your life.   

3. See waiting as an opportunity to trust. I used to think that feeling in control prevented feeling afraid, but I've recently revised that theory. Instead, I now believe that the FAITH is the antidote to fear. And interestingly, faith is all about *releasing* control and BELIEVING that everything is and will be okay. Because that's why waiting bothers us after all, right? That we doubt that everything is and will be okay - if we knew deep down in our guts that what we are waiting for is without a doubt on its way, I think we would all calm down, and embrace the waiting process.   

Think about it. We don't freak out after we've ordered something at a restaurant. Because we *know* that the food is on its way to us. Or we don't get all panicked after we order something online, because, again, we *know* that it's on its way to us. It's only when we doubt if what we want will *ever* show up, that we enter panic mode. It's also, when we don't know exactly when it will arrive. It's the lack of certainty and control that really gets to us. 

So even if it feels like you're playing pretend in the beginning, start telling yourself that whatever it is you want is DEFINITELY on its way to you. And as to when it's coming? Tell yourself that it's coming at the perfect time, whenever that may be. 

Trust. Have faith. Breathe it out. Because, as I said, you can't change the situation, but you can definitely change your attitude, and as a result your overall experience. 

Why you don't yet have whatever it is you want

We all want certain things. 

Whether it's a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a new job, more money, or a "better" body (whatever that may mean to you), we all want certain things that we don't yet have.

And then we wonder why they don't arrive as quickly as we want them to. If we want something so badly, why isn't it already here? 

One would think - as many of us do (I definitely did up until recently) that if we want something badly enough, it will come our way. But how often does that really work? I don't know about you, but that hasn't seemed to really work for me all that well. 

So then what's the next step? When you want something SO badly, what do you do to get from wishing and wanting to actually living and experiencing this ideal life that you've mapped out for yourself?

1. First off, congratulate yourself. The fact that you actually know what it is you want is a very big deal. Many people struggle to figure out what it is they want, so if you know for certain that you want certain things, you've actually accomplished a lot already.

2. Find your big WHY. After you figure out what it is you want, ask yourself why you want it. Because here's the thing. You want an awesome relationship or an amazing body because of how you imagine having those things will make you FEEL. Whatever it is you want, you want it because you believe that it will make you feel better. So what are the feelings you anticipate feeling as a result of having what you want?

3. Stop dwelling on not having these things. What you focus on, grows. So if you're focusing endlessly on not having the relationship and not having the money, you'll just keep getting more of that. 

4. Play pretend. While it may seem silly, living as if you *already* have the things you want will bring you whatever it is you want more easily and quickly than whatever you're doing now. What can you do to help yourself start believing that you already have what you want? Write down how you imagine you'll feel once you have what you want, and bask in those good feelings for 10 minutes everyday. It will make a huge difference. 

5. Practice gratitude. The Universe only brings you what you want when you're already appreciative of what you have today. If you want more money, think about how you're grateful for whatever money you have today, no matter how much. Focus on the positive aspects of the areas in your life that you feel like need improvement. Re-shifting your attention to what IS working will put you in a better mindset to help you attract whatever else it is you want. 

6. Take action. We can meditate and journal until we're blue in the face, but results come from taking action. So get off your couch, get outside, meet new people, get to the gym, network - whatever actions will help you get closer to achieving your goal. 

Create the future you imagine

I don't know about you, but I don't think we can ever be TOO inspired or motivated. That said, I've decided to share a video that I find inspiring, motivational, or uplifting every week. 


I would love to hear what you think! Feel free to share your comments below as well as videos that you've found to be transformational. 

Stop comparing yourself to your friends

We all do it. Whether it's about your career, your relationship, how much money you make, or your weight, comparing yourself to other people - but in particular, your friends - is second nature to most of us.

In fact, most of our negative self-talk probably comes from first looking at somebody else and saying - oh my goodness, look at her body, boyfriend/girlfriend, clothing, job, and then looking at our own in comparison. And then the measuring stick comes out. If you happen to find yourself "less than" the other person, your inner mean girl quickly rises to the surface and takes over.

But here's the thing, when you compare yourself to someone else, and then see yourself as "less than," there are a bunch of holes in your argument. Here are some things to think about next time your inner mean girl shows up.

1. You're making a bunch of assumptions. You may think you know what's going on in a person's life, but you don't *really* know. Especially in the era of Facebook, it's so easy to look at someone's page, and to create a whole story about a person's life as a result. Recognize that you're telling the story and it's just that: a STORY. It's not a fact, it's not absolute. It's you gathering a few pieces of "evidence" to support this story that you're making up. Stop assuming, stop idealizing, and start telling a story that makes you feel better.

2. You're focusing on the wrong person. Who cares what Friend X has accomplished or who Friend Y is dating? What do YOU want? Re-shift your attention on yourself and yourself ALONE. By focusing on other people, you're essentially allowing yourself to stay stuck and not take action and make excuses as a result. If you want to see results in your life, look in the mirror and use yourself as a measuring stick.

3. You'll never be satisfied. If you're always gauging your "enough-ness" based on someone else and the job/boyfriend/girlfriend/clothing/body she has, you'll be chasing after happiness forever. Success comes when you have set goals based on what YOU want, and then accomplishing them on your own terms.

Regardless of what someone has or doesn't have, what they do or don't look like, when it comes down to it, we're all really the same. We all want to feel loved, we all have fears, and we ALL have insecurities. Even if someone seems like she has it all, I can tell you for sure that the person doesn't think that she does.

The grass can always be greener. But maybe the idea is to stop looking at the color of your grass and the color of your neighbor's grass, and to start focusing on the fact that you both have grass, period.

You have grass and I have grass. And they look different and grow differently and that's OKAY. Love yourself absolutely, regardless of what's going on in anyone else's life. Because here is what will happen if you don't; if you focus all of your attention on your neighbor's grass, you will begin to neglect your own and it will wither and die. Let your neighbor focus on herself, while you focus on yourself, and everyone can grow together.

This week's Quarter Life Clarity assignment

Now it's your turn. For this week, just focus on you, and see what kind of difference it makes for you in your life.