Stop comparing yourself to your friends

We all do it. Whether it's about your career, your relationship, how much money you make, or your weight, comparing yourself to other people - but in particular, your friends - is second nature to most of us.

In fact, most of our negative self-talk probably comes from first looking at somebody else and saying - oh my goodness, look at her body, boyfriend/girlfriend, clothing, job, and then looking at our own in comparison. And then the measuring stick comes out. If you happen to find yourself "less than" the other person, your inner mean girl quickly rises to the surface and takes over.

But here's the thing, when you compare yourself to someone else, and then see yourself as "less than," there are a bunch of holes in your argument. Here are some things to think about next time your inner mean girl shows up.

1. You're making a bunch of assumptions. You may think you know what's going on in a person's life, but you don't *really* know. Especially in the era of Facebook, it's so easy to look at someone's page, and to create a whole story about a person's life as a result. Recognize that you're telling the story and it's just that: a STORY. It's not a fact, it's not absolute. It's you gathering a few pieces of "evidence" to support this story that you're making up. Stop assuming, stop idealizing, and start telling a story that makes you feel better.

2. You're focusing on the wrong person. Who cares what Friend X has accomplished or who Friend Y is dating? What do YOU want? Re-shift your attention on yourself and yourself ALONE. By focusing on other people, you're essentially allowing yourself to stay stuck and not take action and make excuses as a result. If you want to see results in your life, look in the mirror and use yourself as a measuring stick.

3. You'll never be satisfied. If you're always gauging your "enough-ness" based on someone else and the job/boyfriend/girlfriend/clothing/body she has, you'll be chasing after happiness forever. Success comes when you have set goals based on what YOU want, and then accomplishing them on your own terms.

Regardless of what someone has or doesn't have, what they do or don't look like, when it comes down to it, we're all really the same. We all want to feel loved, we all have fears, and we ALL have insecurities. Even if someone seems like she has it all, I can tell you for sure that the person doesn't think that she does.

The grass can always be greener. But maybe the idea is to stop looking at the color of your grass and the color of your neighbor's grass, and to start focusing on the fact that you both have grass, period.

You have grass and I have grass. And they look different and grow differently and that's OKAY. Love yourself absolutely, regardless of what's going on in anyone else's life. Because here is what will happen if you don't; if you focus all of your attention on your neighbor's grass, you will begin to neglect your own and it will wither and die. Let your neighbor focus on herself, while you focus on yourself, and everyone can grow together.

This week's Quarter Life Clarity assignment

Now it's your turn. For this week, just focus on you, and see what kind of difference it makes for you in your life.